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I feel like shit (potentially affecting my relationship)
I'm getting married early next year and I'm feeling very overwhelmed by what transpired yesterday. It was my first time in a long time going to JB. Didn't expect much as I only wanted a massage. Long story short, me and ML teased each other and I didn't think clearly at that point and I was horny that I asked if can do vaginal intercourse a bit and she at first hesitated cause of the noise then allowed me to. Just putting it in and trusting for about 10 seconds, I ejaculated into her (unprotected). Everything. After ejaculation and my dick being in there for another good 5-8 seconds. I suddenly realised I fucked up big big time.
After the massage, the masseuse didn't make a big fuss of it (she's Viet). Looks to be in her mid 30s or early 40s. Paid her and was about to leave when she suddenly took her phone out while on a video call with someone and I can see she's clearly pointing at my direction. i suspect taking a photo of me. Anyone encountered this situation before? What if she took a photo of me as proof and happens to be pregnant then tried to get some ah long to find me? Or threatend me to in sg to go back and find her to be responsible for the kid? And potentially my fiance finding one
So now I'm extremely paranoid. I've already gone to doctors this morning and prescribed PEP. Will do regular checkup as well for other std. In the meantime, I may have to come up with excuse for no sex till I'm cleared.
I feel like absolute shit. That 20 seconds of pleasure was not worth the after thought and now im just so defeated. My wallet is burned from the PEP. My relationship with fiance could also be potentially ruined if I come up with some STD. But I'm more concerned about the ML getting pregnant and finding me, leading to my fiance knowledge on the matter and everything we've planned for is now in shambles.
I feel super remorseful. I can't function normally. Everytime I see my fiancé planning out wedding, I feel like crying and hope I just die before that.
Can anyone advice? I'm taking measures right now to get myself medicated and tested for 1 month, 3 and 6. Anything I should be doing to stay calm and not worry?
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Bro you'll be alright.
1) chances of male to female hiv is 1 in 2500, i.e. 0.04% chance(not encouraging anyone to go raw) and the most important thing is you went for pep in less than 72 hours. Which almost eliminates any chance of it happening to you, can consider it virtually impossible. Any other stds, they are very much curable, just inconveniences.
2) Great that youre abstaining sex with your fiance, respect there bro. But usually symptoms if any, should appear relatively soon, within 1 to 2 weeks. If your fiance starts to find it weird why you arent having sex with her, guess its very normal to sound off that you're just stressed out (which you are) and give you sometime to adjust. Also if sex does really happen, just rmb to wear condoms. Dont have to worry, if I recall one of only the few common ones that cannot be blocked with condoms is mollascum contagiosum and that isn't life threatening and can be freezed off in a matter of seconds. Its just pimple-like btw, so very easy to explain away, and it surfaces quite quickly, within a week.
3) like what a bro said, NEVER EVER confess to it, you would destroy her life, with likelyhood of sending her down an oblivion of depression, its not about you not owning up to your shit, its about her too. Somethings are better left unsaid, just do better next time.
4) Btw when you are stressed out, you'll start getting intrusive thoughts, shit randomly popping up in your mind anytime making you worry like fuck, and if it happens to you just keep this thought in mind "this too shall pass", take a deep breath and smile. Helped me out a lot with my panic attacks in the past (obviously cause I did the same stupid shit like you did) haha. You're not alone.
5) You're probably an overthinker like me, trying to consider all possibilities as to how they(in this case the ML) will try to track you down, how they try to steal your info when you're washing up. Or how they took a video or picture of your back to identify you. Or you might even think of how they might go to the hospital to take a sample of your semen from her vajayjay then turn up at your doorstep in sg to track you down, report you for rape or want you to take responsibility.
Bro, it aint happening, considering the logistical challenges and the immense effort, rarely anyone is desperate enough to do so. Normally for anyone to go to that level of extremes, its only when they harbor some serious hate against you, or they are working as a fbi or some shit.
Tldr; you're fine bro.