A Lost Relationship- Learn to Let Go

[Bazic606]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

If people just paid by the hour and moved on to the next whore, they wouldn't have to deal with all this "recovery" shit in the first place.

Payment they did make, but in kind. ....

[Bazic606]

Originally Posted by Hayabusa1

In my own personal life experiences, I find that getting a new girl to get over the last one tend to make the landing softer.

I beg to differ. If what you said is true, then I suppose you are not in love with your ex-girl in the first place. You love yourself. Getting a replacement is just a way to lick your wounded self-esteem and recover the feel-good factor. This is the de-facto problem with people who are so-called "in love" with WL, FL or whatever. And by chance, these girls are the perfect-fit with their "work-instinct" to stroke our gender ego....

[blohsg]

Yup ... it's all about the .

Yes its easier to pay to forget ... but it's always there ... ingrained on your heart ... replayed in your mind over and over again ... broken ... never b the same again ... still we struggle on ... to learn to live without you ...

[thomastankuku]

This all got good advice on getting over broken heart. Gd stuff - Kum Xias!

But also don't understand why many people, boss also automatically assume is equal and same as getting over 'relationship' with a ho.

If play play with whore also can call love or RTF keep piakpiak with some commercial loveholes = a relationship then no hope for tis world liao!

of cos with a kway the one you hit on tio bao by someone with moremoney you tu lan a bit so get another broad to massage ego is normal one.

But hor real life also cannot possibly like that one. Only if you kana the money can buy love thinking cos cheong too much then will think tis way!

Kio kway is kio kway. Real life is not just kio kway. talk like real lifeis just cheongstering is really immature!

Like the other bro mention above , the "love" that many have foor their whores is really just ego and self love. Many just like the convenient self confirm and power n other illusion that throw money at kways give. This kind of love wll take more than cold shower to wake up la!!

[hella21]

You gave your heart away. You took that leap of faith. You jumped in head first. However you want to put it, you fell in love. Now it's gone. Whether they broke up with you or you broke up with them or some other outside force pulled you apart, it's over. If you find yourself trying to hide in the bottom of a bowel of ice cream or have acquired a large pile of tissues or however you deal with heartache, this is your wake up call. Today is the day you turn it around.

[hella21]

It's been said a million times but you are always surrounded by people who love you. Whether it's family or friends or anyone in between, there is at least one person one the planet who loves you and cares about you. These are the people you need to start spending more time with. They will be more than happy to reassure you of just how wonderful a person you are. They can also keep you busy. Go to a movie, go bowling, just go do something. If you're busy doing other things, you won't have the time to waste thinking about that person and the pain you may be going through. These are wonderful people and are very useful in your recovery.

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by hella21

Chance upon this article somewhere, Just like to share.

There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other. This scenario happens almost every moment of every day, but when it happens to you, your whole world can focus on this. Many people that do not want the relationship to end will go into a panic to keep the relationship alive. Most of these attempts are in vain. When a relationship ends, it can be a heartbreaking, emotionally crippling time, and there are strategies you can implement to learn to let it go.

It is important to understand that as much as you may wish, you simply cannot control another person's thoughts or feelings. Even if you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or you do not see any logic in their choice, they possess the freewill to do with their life as they wish. It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person. When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

There is no debate regarding the poignant pain that is involved in a breakup or divorce. There is not a magic way to completely stop the misery you will feel from the loss of this person. However, there is a way to control these feelings. No amount of pleading, begging or bribery can change how a person feels about you. Once you accept this fact, you can then move on to take actions to behave dignified and accept the end of the relationship with your esteem intact.

If the following sounds familiar, you have not learned the art of letting go. When faced with the end of a relationship, have you called that person endlessly will pleas to be reunited? Have you contacted the other person and promised to change your behavior to better accommodate their needs? Have you attempted repeatedly to question them as to why they are choosing to leave you? All of these are clear-cut signs that you have a difficult time letting a dead relationship go. All of these signs only make the situation worse for you.

When pleading with another person to "begin loving you again", you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot talk someone into loving you. You may be a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate person, however if someone who was in your life does not feel they want continue the relationship, you cannot force them. You already must deal with the loss of the relationship. Love is a choice of freewill. To beg, plead or otherwise, will only lead to feeling defeated once again.

It is exceedingly difficult indeed, to control the desire to reach out to the person who left you. When you are so used to conversations with them or seeing this person everyday, it will throw your world upside-down when you must deal with a sudden end of communication and a physical connection. Realizing that calling the person, trying to "accidentally run into them" or other means of contact is futile, you must learn to distance yourself. This must be done in the name of self-respect.

If you can be emotionally strong enough to know that nothing you do can bring this person back to you, you can leave with dignity. If you harass this person, in an attempt to reunite, added suffering is imminent. It can be so frustrating to plead, beg and try to persuade someone and have him or her repeatedly reject you. The best road to take is one of complete and utter non-communication. Once knowing you do not possess the power to control their feelings and actions, control your behavior. You will have moments of weakness and there are steps you can take to overcome these.

Resist the urge to "show up accidentally" in places that you know you will run into them. You may think it is a great idea to spend hours making yourself look fantastic and then going to a restaurant, bar or otherwise that the person frequents. Your plan will be to show them how wonderful you look and they will regret their mistake of leaving you. Your plan will actually make the other person fully aware of your plan, and they will think your plan is pitiable. Whatever reason they had for leaving the relationship, whether unfounded or not, will remain intact. Flaunting yourself in front of them is akin to screaming out, "Look at me! Why do you not want me?". Do you really want to seem that deprived?

Do everything possible to stop yourself from calling them on the telephone. Delete their number from your cell phone. Another good option is to leave their number, but to change their contact name to something along the lines of, "No! He/she treated me horribly". This is a good strategy to prevent you from calling them, in the moments that you are feeling weak. You can also tape a note to your home phones. One suggestion is to write something such as, "Do not call him/her, they broke your heart and you will look like a fool if you keep calling!". These may sound rather silly now, but when in a state of a broken heart, it is common to act irrationally and these tips can stop your foolish behavior.

If you are used to instant messaging with this other person, and you wish to leave your messenger intact on your computer for messaging with others, there are several options. Firstly, you should opt to create a new user name and inform only your friends, family and others that you do wish to communicate with of your new name. If you choose to keep your user name, obviously, you should delete your ex's name off your list. If you are not emotionally strong enough to do so yet, you should at least opt to change their contact name, so that their name will show as "Ex- do not IM him/her!" or anything that will prompt you to not contact them.

You may feel a very strong urge to leave phone messages, or offline instant messages to the other person who left the relationship. You may feel you have an endless array of things to say to this person. Alternatively, you may feel you must get the last word in, but it never ends there. If you allow yourself to leave these messages, you will always find something new to add. The other person is most probably ignoring or deleting your messages, it will not bring them back to you, and all of your efforts will be in vain. Once you have implemented the means to prevent yourself from contacting them, do realize this: As absurd as it sounds at the moment, as much as your heart is aching, as much as you feel you were unfairly treated, as much as you feel you know you were the "best thing to ever happen" to them, time will change your feelings.

It is one of the most frequently used clichés when a relationship ends; however, time does heal all wounds. When using the term "heal" this does not mean that you forget this person forever. It does not mean that you will live the rest of your life without this person's name or image appearing in your mind. It does mean that given a certain amount of time, the image and memories of this person will fade.

If you follow these guidelines to end the relationship quickly and not drag the breakup into a long process, there will be a day, not too far in the future, that you realize this person was not the right one for you. You desire a good person, someone who cares for you unconditionally, someone to support your decisions, and someone to walk through life with. If this person leaves you, heartbroken and alone, they are proving they possess none of the qualities that you were looking for in a mate. You may feel misled, lied to, or tricked. The reality remains that they ultimately did not measure up to having the qualities needed in a relationship with you.

At one time or another we have all wished we had the power to make someone loves us. We have prayed for their return. We have deprived ourselves from sleep while pondering what we could have done to stop them from leaving. We have spent endless hours wondering how they could leave us. In the end, all of that time spent is needlessly, we will never obtain the answers. Only one fact remains: Everyone has freewill to do as they wish. When a person leaves you, learn to let it go.

Brother you wrote words of wisdom that SG brothers should focus on. But the problem is many have problems breaking up with KTV girls which throws in numerous other complications. Maybe you can tweak your article so that is fits the demographics of this board. Your article, in other words, is applicable to mainstream SG society but not really to the people or participants on this board who seems to come here desperately for help and reflection.

[hella21]

Originally Posted by RealEstateGuy

Brother you wrote words of wisdom that SG brothers should focus on. But the problem is many have problems breaking up with KTV girls which throws in numerous other complications. Maybe you can tweak your article so that is fits the demographics of this board. Your article, in other words, is applicable to mainstream SG society but not really to the people or participants on this board who seems to come here desperately for help and reflection.

Bro, that is an article that I happen to see somewhere and which somehow touches my life sometimes back. So I just share it out to express my disappointment with relationship.
Appreciate the suggestion to fits the demographics of this board, but somehow I managed to keep all the KC-ing control within my limits, hence got no real experience to be able to tweak that article.

Feel free to tweak that article, in ur wisdom and if Boss also allows, to share enlightenment to any Bros here caught in KC-ing entangle stage.

Happy Bonking...

[hella21]

When you leave the house, make sure not to forget your smile. It's proven fact it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Not to mention the fact that when you smile, you do start to feel better. It may
seem silly faking a smile but if you're lucky, it'll soon become real. Who knows, you might just catch someone's attention with your pearly whites.

[hella21]

Don't spend another second dwelling on the events and every little detail trying to figure out how what you could have done differently. It's in the past. There is no such thing as a time machine so you can't go back anyways and fix it. Your focus should be on today and the future. Put all the bad thoughts and feelings out the window. They won't do you any good but will weigh you down. If you feel like this is the worst thing ever and you just can't go on, try and remember that there is someone somewhere who is worse off than you.

[watermansurf]

Bro, I am deeply impressed about the wisdom you share..
I hope it will reach my innermost heart..

[spermswimmer]

thanks bro hella21,

just bumped into your thread and read your essays.

i just had a painful heartpain from a WL.

this is my 5th time...

but the most painful one (4th pain) was from my normal local ex-gf... it took me 3 years to recover and then went back to the FL scene.

... a vicious cycle

[hella21]

8 Tips for Happiness and Optimism
By Bob Murray, PhD and Alicia Fortinberry, MS

Connecting is the key to happiness and personal fulfillment.

If your relationships are supportive and fulfilling you can be healthy and happy, you can free yourself from depression and become optimistic. If your relationships are anything less, then the reverse happens: you become ill, happiness is impossible and you can sink into profound pessimism. Your goals remain out of reach.

In their book Creating Optimism Bob Murray and Alicia Fortinberry reveal the fundamentals of happiness and 8 things you can do today to create happiness and optimism.

Connection to Others “…at the very heart of your being.”
Make a list of friends you haven't contacted in a while but would like to, and call them.

Autonomy “…a feeling of independence and a sense of being in control…”
Go to as many local establishments rather than chains as possible and strike up a conversation with the proprietor or service people.

Self-Esteem “…a function of how you perceive others view you.”
Catch yourself every time you make a self-deprecating comment.

Competence “…relates to how effective you feel you are.”
Ask the people in your life to tell you when they think you've done something well.

Purpose “…fulfillment and meaning throughout your life.”
Ask your friends and acquaintances to describe what they see as their purpose beyond making money or caring for others.

Connection to Your Body “...vital to our complete sense of self...”
Throw out all your magazines that feature impossibly perfect-looking men or women on the covers.

Connection to Nature “…its permanence, its beauty and power…”
Walk in a park or other natural area for twenty minutes each day. Pat at least one dog and talk to its owner.

Spirituality “…a powerful weapon against depression...”
Make a list of all the things you believe in that give you comfort.

[prccuntlover]

Originally Posted by spermswimmer

thanks bro hella21,

just bumped into your thread and read your essays.

i just had a painful heartpain from a WL.

this is my 5th time...

but the most painful one (4th pain) was from my normal local ex-gf... it took me 3 years to recover and then went back to the FL scene.

... a vicious cycle

cuntrade! (comrade)
cheers
toast to more fruitful k-Cing WL

[remote]

Upz for this thread...indeed it is so so true.