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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 20-11-2020, 03:11 PM
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

I’m seriously wondering why did u ever get married...
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  #17  
Old 20-11-2020, 08:34 PM
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by RicochetJuke View Post
I’m 27 this year wife is 26, got a baby this year now 3 months old.

Ever since we got married wife changed and started treating me like a maid in the house. A lot of demands regarding lifestyle and cleanliness, after baby born seldom let let me interact with him because she say I’m not good, cannot learn because I work 6 days work week.

Every day come home get scolded or shouted at, recently become more abusive and violent hitting me. Her father say I cannot hit her back, I am not the type to hit women also, so I just tolerate. Her mother only know how to cause drama between us and always say bad things about me.

Honestly I am not perfect also, one time very long ago she check my phone I got entertain some convos with girls on wechat. Other than that I never did anything else or treat her like shit.

Sometimes I wake up to cook american breakfast for her, I do laundry, iron clothes and general cleaning. From then on she always blackmail me say if I don’t do certain things she will tell everyone about what I did.

My salary not much because of COVID bad times, fresh graduate but I earn about 2k plus take home, I pay rental $1800 every month not much money left. I did not mind paying if it’s a happy family and I sacrifice abit, but I do so much but every day my life at home is hell.

I feel like workplace is becoming like home and home is a workplace. Any advice bros? I know if I get divorce we will lose our BTO that’s still building, lose my son also. After clearing my salary and living from paycheck to paycheck, now she tell me that the money she save is hers only and I cannot depend on her in the future if something happens to me.

Recently I started having depressive thoughts and wanted to take my life a few times, she told me I would not dare to. I am planning to buy a few plans so my son will have some money after I’m gone also.
Bro
sorry to tell you this
but i would say the fault is yours as well
Why? all those abusive things and demands she made for you, you didnt stop her. You have to draw a line somewhere, or it'll just keep coming and it will get worse in future. You're not a slave and dont owe her anything.
On divorce, "lose our BTO". i would say you will lose less if you divorce now rather than wait for bto to be completed. If you divorce now, you only get to lose the bto deposit which is 5% of the purchase price. If you divorce later you'll lose 50% of your share of the full bto. Divorce always lead to losses, its a matter about how much you'll lose.
About your kid. Yes everyone have someone they love and unwilling to lose that someone. Dont live just for your kid. You'll look pathetic. Even your kid will consider you pathetic when he grows up. Lead your own life after divorce, support him without being wanting him to stick with you. You'll be looked up upon when your kid grows up. Live for yourself, never for anyone else. Pain of missing someone you love is scary indeed. But you'll do fine after a couple of years. You just have to get through it.

I have come across some similar cases such as yours before. Those who chose to leave their marriage, all ended up happier for such cases. Everything just turns out better for them.
  #18  
Old 20-11-2020, 10:20 PM
Alson15 Alson15 is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Hi bro, I suggest that you straight up talk to her about it, communication is really key. Lose your pride and talk (or whine, whatever you call it) to her. Suggest to go for marriage counselling also.

After that, if things are still not changing, divorce. Nothings worth being abused. Never.

Good luck bro
  #19  
Old 21-11-2020, 11:51 AM
Greg141 Greg141 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RicochetJuke View Post
I’m 27 this year wife is 26, got a baby this year now 3 months old.

Ever since we got married wife changed and started treating me like a maid in the house. A lot of demands regarding lifestyle and cleanliness, after baby born seldom let let me interact with him because she say I’m not good, cannot learn because I work 6 days work week.

Every day come home get scolded or shouted at, recently become more abusive and violent hitting me. Her father say I cannot hit her back, I am not the type to hit women also, so I just tolerate. Her mother only know how to cause drama between us and always say bad things about me.

Honestly I am not perfect also, one time very long ago she check my phone I got entertain some convos with girls on wechat. Other than that I never did anything else or treat her like shit.

Sometimes I wake up to cook american breakfast for her, I do laundry, iron clothes and general cleaning. From then on she always blackmail me say if I don’t do certain things she will tell everyone about what I did.

My salary not much because of COVID bad times, fresh graduate but I earn about 2k plus take home, I pay rental $1800 every month not much money left. I did not mind paying if it’s a happy family and I sacrifice abit, but I do so much but every day my life at home is hell.

I feel like workplace is becoming like home and home is a workplace. Any advice bros? I know if I get divorce we will lose our BTO that’s still building, lose my son also. After clearing my salary and living from paycheck to paycheck, now she tell me that the money she save is hers only and I cannot depend on her in the future if something happens to me.

Recently I started having depressive thoughts and wanted to take my life a few times, she told me I would not dare to. I am planning to buy a few plans so my son will have some money after I’m gone also.
Hi. It does sound like you are being abused by your wife. She is denying you affection with your son and using your mistake of texting other girls to make you suffer.

It also sounds like you are experiencing depression with thoughts of suicide.

I think you need to have a serious talk with your wife that you won't put up with abuse anymore and if she wants to give the marriage another chance you need to go for couples therapy. You've tried to make amends for your mistake already, if she can't forgive you then it's probably time to separate. I'm not saying she needs to forgive you right away, but that needs to at least be the directing she's moving towards.

I think you need to start taking care of your mental health as well. You want to be a good father don't you? You can't if you kill yourself.

It is a very difficult situation you're in. All the best.
  #20  
Old 21-11-2020, 02:20 PM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg141 View Post
It also sounds like you are experiencing depression with thoughts of suicide.

I think you need to have a serious talk with your wife that you won't put up with abuse anymore and if she wants to give the marriage another chance you need to go for couples therapy. You've tried to make amends for your mistake already, if she can't forgive you then it's probably time to separate. I'm not saying she needs to forgive you right away, but that needs to at least be the directing she's moving towards.

I think you need to start taking care of your mental health as well. You want to be a good father don't you? You can't if you kill yourself.

It is a very difficult situation you're in. All the best.
Good points. Perhaps TS should even quickly go get help for himself immediately.

Private psychotherapists are all over. If that’s too expensive for you, go polyclinic and tell the doctor how you feel to get a follow up for psychological specialist or psychiatrist.

Don’t let it go untreated.
  #21  
Old 21-11-2020, 11:59 PM
parrotkid parrotkid is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bullshitlar View Post
Trust me, talk no use one. Only end up arguing.

How many young girls today is willing to talk. How many willing to admit their own fault, mistakes and short coming. End of the day she will blame everyone on you.
Walk away. U still young, dont suffer anymore.

Carry on, she will jump on another cock. Many married woman cheat in unhappy marriage
I totally agree with this. I have been through it and regretted not ending it earlier. Before we had a child.
  #22  
Old 22-11-2020, 12:02 AM
parrotkid parrotkid is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by RicochetJuke View Post
Easy to say ah bro, we are not considered a low income household, it’s just that I pay the bulk of the necessities I’m the one with not much left but my wife lives comfortably while still giving money to her parents. It was not so much about the financial, of course if I earn $10k a month while spending less time in office alot of problems could have been avoided.
Your situation almost exactly like mine. My advice is that she is unlikely to change. If change it will be for the worse. Bite the bullet and quit.
  #23  
Old 22-11-2020, 12:05 AM
parrotkid parrotkid is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

TS, is your wife a foreigner? Malaysian?
  #24  
Old 22-11-2020, 09:47 PM
ahhui ahhui is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by RicochetJuke View Post
Bro I’m not that stupid. I love my son a lot and I’m never the type to lay hands on women unless spanking during sex that one different.
nice.spank the backside
  #25  
Old 23-11-2020, 10:31 AM
JacqueMerlin JacqueMerlin is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by RicochetJuke View Post
I’m 27 this year wife is 26, got a baby this year now 3 months old.

Ever since we got married wife changed and started treating me like a maid in the house. A lot of demands regarding lifestyle and cleanliness, after baby born seldom let let me interact with him because she say I’m not good, cannot learn because I work 6 days work week.

Every day come home get scolded or shouted at, recently become more abusive and violent hitting me. Her father say I cannot hit her back, I am not the type to hit women also, so I just tolerate. Her mother only know how to cause drama between us and always say bad things about me.

Honestly I am not perfect also, one time very long ago she check my phone I got entertain some convos with girls on wechat. Other than that I never did anything else or treat her like shit.

Sometimes I wake up to cook american breakfast for her, I do laundry, iron clothes and general cleaning. From then on she always blackmail me say if I don’t do certain things she will tell everyone about what I did.

My salary not much because of COVID bad times, fresh graduate but I earn about 2k plus take home, I pay rental $1800 every month not much money left. I did not mind paying if it’s a happy family and I sacrifice abit, but I do so much but every day my life at home is hell.

I feel like workplace is becoming like home and home is a workplace. Any advice bros? I know if I get divorce we will lose our BTO that’s still building, lose my son also. After clearing my salary and living from paycheck to paycheck, now she tell me that the money she save is hers only and I cannot depend on her in the future if something happens to me.

Recently I started having depressive thoughts and wanted to take my life a few times, she told me I would not dare to. I am planning to buy a few plans so my son will have some money after I’m gone also.
How prophetic many of us are when coming to marriage with a girl in Singapore with the toxic Singaporean girl mentality.

I can tell you what is going to happen next.

1. Your inaction will encourage the abuse.
2. Being a pushover will mean she will destroy your life until you commit suicide. And she won't even pity you after you die.
3. If you live long enough, you might end up murdering her instead.

What you need to do.

1. A woman who doesn't respect you as a human being is a lost cause. Take down video evidence of her hitting you.
2. Go to a counsellor and attempt to 'salvage' the marriage. Feiyue is a registered centre which you can try going to. Just attempt to 'save the marriage' but leave feedbacks of futility After 3 months.
3. I can assure you the abuse won't stop. Let yourself get injured by her sufficiently to get an MC of at least 3 days. Go to a government hospital A&E and see a doctor.
4. With the video evidence, counsellors update and a hospital MC, you can apply for PPO.
5. Once you get a PPO, you can apply for a divorce. Given the fact there's only 1 child, you won't lose as many money since the judge will consider your compelling circumstances and side you.

You will lose your BTO and your son. Cut your losses now and treat this as an expensive lesson before you become the next teo ghim heng.
  #26  
Old 24-12-2020, 04:51 PM
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LooksLikeJesus LooksLikeJesus is offline
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
Good points. Perhaps TS should even quickly go get help for himself immediately.

Private psychotherapists are all over. If that’s too expensive for you, go polyclinic and tell the doctor how you feel to get a follow up for psychological specialist or psychiatrist.

Don’t let it go untreated.
Are you ok? I hope you meant her instead of him. The rental is $1.8K, his salary is $2K+. On top of that, he got physically abused. Her wife is not a child and should know that any physical abuse is wrong, be it coming from a man or woman. Unless, it's self-defence.

She should be the one seeking and paying for professional help. Maybe, you as well. Jesus Christ.
  #27  
Old 24-12-2020, 05:13 PM
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Exclamation Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

1) Every day come home get scolded or shouted at, recently become more abusive and violent hitting me. Her father say I cannot hit her back, I am not the type to hit women also, so I just tolerate. Her mother only know how to cause drama between us and always say bad things about me.

Did she start these physical abuse even before you 2 got married? If so, this is a big red flag.

My advice to you is, get her to a public health psychiatrist and be diagnosed. From your words, sounds like a possible schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder. Get the diagnosis on public records. Once that is done, file for divorce and try to get full custody. Do not tell a soul about your intention, even to your own family and friends. Get every prescription receipt and doctor's diagnosis and photograph them, upload to your Google drive.

When the day comes, tell your lawyer to present your case that she is nuts and unable to fulfill her parental role. Supply him with all the paperworks. Keyword here is be meticulous. Seek legal advice is asap. Turn your sorrow into the source of drive to see your son and yourself through this.


2) Her father say I cannot hit her back, I am not the type to hit women also, so I just tolerate. Her mother only know how to cause drama between us and always say bad things about me.

You need to limit your face to face interaction with her parents asap and as much as possible. Anything besides that, keep it to a "Yes" or "No", "Ok". I bet they're equally insane as her. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

3) After clearing my salary and living from paycheck to paycheck, now she tell me that the money she save is hers only and I cannot depend on her in the future if something happens to me.

That's a big fat RED flag to me. Apply point 1 immediately.


4) Recently I started having depressive thoughts and wanted to take my life a few times, she told me I would not dare to. I am planning to buy a few plans so my son will have some money after I’m gone also.

Don't be a fool. After you committed suicide, guess who will be holding and spending the money. IT'S HER FAMILY AND HER. Your son will get CRUMBS. Imagine what she will do to him after you're dead! Torture till he go crazy!

Apply point 1 immediately. At this point, do not go to any public health for psychiatry or psychology. Once you get the full custody, deal with your mental health privately.

No cunt is worth committing suicide for. I got my life ruined by 2 women before.


5)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 178noobnoob View Post
Hi bro, if you mention she started to hit you and etc. Try to go hospital to get yourself checked. After which you can file for a PPO application for you and your child.

Wish everything goes well for you!
Anything unsure, can pm me bro.
Once, the hitting starts again. Document everything and file for a PPO like the previous samster said. Photos, Time, Venue and go to the hospital for treatment and records.

Most modern women are not worth for you to commit suicide, they are not all sugar and spice. Drill this in your head. If you need a listening ear, just PM me. Stay safe.

Last edited by LooksLikeJesus; 24-12-2020 at 11:47 PM.
  #28  
Old 24-12-2020, 05:49 PM
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alson15 View Post
Hi bro, I suggest that you straight up talk to her about it, communication is really key. Lose your pride and talk (or whine, whatever you call it) to her. Suggest to go for marriage counselling also.

After that, if things are still not changing, divorce. Nothings worth being abused. Never.

Good luck bro
Marriage counselling is a waste of time. It's just a prelude to divorce. People do not change, I bet her wife will remain the same with my last dollar in my bank account.
  #29  
Old 24-12-2020, 09:47 PM
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by LooksLikeJesus View Post
Marriage counselling is a waste of time. It's just a prelude to divorce. People do not change, I bet her wife will remain the same with my last dollar in my bank account.
Agreed, woman today too prideful and spoiled to ever admit they have flaws. The blame is always push on others
  #30  
Old 24-12-2020, 11:55 PM
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Re: Stuck in an abusive marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bullshitlar View Post
Agreed, woman today too prideful and spoiled to ever admit they have flaws. The blame is always push on others
Arrogant and spoiled is one matter. His wife is INSANE, together with her parents.

Sane people don't physically abuse their spouse over a long period time, emotionally abuse and blackmail them. If irreconcilable differences, end it quickly. The sunken cost fallacy is negligible. SammyBoss is right on this.
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